I am planning on getting my sister a black wedding dress, she is not adopted and lives with our grandmother who I see, she is marrying Justin, I asked my dad “Are black wedding dresses nice” by accident I said something stupid by accident and he replied with “Maybe.” I then left and went to the store and was looking for a black wedding dress, a heavier man came by and said “Hi how can I help you?” and I said “I am looking for black weddings dresses, do you have them.” “Little girl, I do not understand what you are talking about.” “What” “There are no such thing as black wedding dresses, you wear black clothes to funerals not churches, little girl.” “Quit calling me little girl!” “Get the heII out of my shop! You little punk!” He then threw me out and pushed me out hard. I got out crying and he laughed at me. Are there black wedding dresses. I feel so depressed now because maybe they don’t exist maybe I was a fool for trying to even get my sister a black wedding dress.
* Know this writing is poor, could someone edit it to make it sound better and more believable.
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3 it doesn’t really make any sence. you can understand it but the words arn’t properly organized
It’s written fine. The subject is upsetting. They do not make black wedding dresses. You would have to have it made by someone specially, or find a black long evening gown that could pass for a wedding dress.
In America, people wear black to funerals, not weddings. (Just like it says in your story.) The man in the store was mean. He should not have called you “little girl” and he should not have touched you. You should have called the cops on him.
I do not understand the line where you say you said something stupid by accident and he replied, “Maybe.” That should be explained because it’s really confusing.
You spelling and grammar are good, except there should be a question mark after, “Are there black wedding dresses?”
Many brides wear white gowns that are not actually wedding gowns. As I said before, you could find a beautiful black gown that could easily pass for a wedding gown.
Good luck, Katie.
I would give this a 3. This is not very organized or fluent. You use many fragments too, ei “You little punk!” is a fragment; add it to the sentence before. Also your dialouge is very messed up. ei “I asked my dad “Are….” you need a comma, like this ” I asked my father, “Are….” and after every quote you must make a new paragraph. You have run ons also, ei “by accident I said something stupid by accident and he replied with “Maybe”" It should be “Incidently, I said somthing unintellegent. My father, obviously laughing at my mistake, said, “Maybe”". There is a long conversation, but you MUST add “he said,” or “she said,”
Good luck on writing your story!