Tomorrow I’m going to attend a funeral for my fiance’s brothers friend. My fiance is out of town so I will be meeting her mother there. I never really met the kid who the funeral is for or his family so I’m unsure and uncomfortable about what to say when I meet the family. The boy who passed away from Leukemia was 19 and I know his parents are having a very difficult time dealing with their loss. I plan on staying for about 45 minutes is that appropriate? If I do meet this boys parents do I say goodbye when I leave? I have a difficult time with social situations so this is very overwhelming so any help is appreciated.
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I can really understand how this is awkward for you since you do not know the deceased or his family. So, I give you major poiints for stepping in and being supportive for your fiance. I doubt that most guys would do it.
I think you should plan on staying at the funeral for however long your fiance’s mother does (again, extra points here). But when you meet up with her you can ask how long will the service be, and let her know then that you plan to leave by ?:00.
Assuming that your fiance’s mother is acquainted with the family, then I would stay close by her. That way, some family members will make the connection: absent fiance–> her mother–> fiance’s bf.
If there is a family greeting line, then let your fiance’s mother go ahead of you and speak first so that she may introduce you. Then you could say something like: “I’m sorry that (fiance’s name) could not attend, but I’m honored to be here.” or “My thoughts are with your family. May God bless you.”
Chances are that the immediate family will be so distraught and drained that your comments will just gloss over them. But it’s your presence that will mean the most.
At my mother’s funeral, I don’t recall what everybody said, but I do remember who all came. And I appreciated them being there– still do.
Yes, meet with them once while you were there. There is usually a receiving line where you can offer your condolences. When my mother passed, it always irked me when people said “I’m sorry”. I’d say something like:
“(your fiance’s brother) loved him a lot, and he will be missed. We’ll keep your family in our prayers.”