I got married a few months ago & for my attendants I picked my sister and my childhood friends.
My hubby never suggested any of his sisters and I never considered including them anyway.
For me, my attendants were people I considered close, long-time friends, family in thick and thin, you know, time tested relationships. Not in a bridezilla way at all but a girl should be allowed have what she wants as far as her attendants, no?
His sisters were never really nice to me at all and I never felt like they ever liked me or respected our relationship. At the time all I had was a hunch that they were doing things but never knew for sure, they were just so aggressive and unfriendly towards me.
I found out after the wedding that one of them had indeed been telling my hubby things about me all throughout our relationship: that I was crazy, abusive, to break up with me, other lies of that nature, etc and even started a rumor that we had indeed broken up.
Fast forward to a few days before our wedding, that sister sends hubby an email saying how she flat out doesn’t want him to get married, all the reasons why she doesn’t like me, that she’s not happy for him, that she will be “forced” to put up a fake front at the wedding but really she feels like it’s going to be her brother’s funeral, etc.
Apparently that was how the whole family felt.
Anyway a few months after the wedding, that same sister that did not want us to get married now says how hurt she is that she wasn’t included in our wedding party, that I had “taken over” all the details, that I never even thought about “her” feelings and the wedding shouldn’t have just been about “me”, that we both had caused so much damage to their family by not including any of them and that we have to be responsible for that, that she “never” did anything to me and was nothing but supportive of our relationship, etc.
And of course she knows nothing about the actual planning and the fact that I had actually asked hubby who he considered for both our attendants. It’s not my fault he didn’t even mention his sisters and in retrospect I can see why he didn’t even suggest them.
I’m NOT sorry that I didn’t include any of them in the wedding. Frankly they have all turned out to be quite…cuckoo for cocopuffs like that one sister, demanding similar explanations about why they weren’t included in our wedding.
But I can’t help to have just a nagging question and need an impartial POV:
Was I wrong not to include his nutso sister in my wedding?
I mean I wanted my FRIENDS and supportive people in my wedding party, not someone who was against the wedding, didn’t like me and didn’t even talk to me!
Why is she all “I don’t want you to get married” and then “why didn’t you include me!”. Is she just nuts?
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I agree that this is crazy, and I’d also call it borderline toxic. Your hubby sounds like a keeper, especially with the additional details about cutting off all contact. One thing I started figuring out in my early 20’s is that, as an adult, I get to define my relationships, and that includes family and also parents.
As a couple, the two of you do not have to spend time with, or talk to, anyone who brings you down. They sound like a pack of wolves, and sometimes it’s best to just sever ties, at least for a long while. Actions speak louder than words, and silence counts as an action.
yeap lol ceartifiable
She sounds extremely nutty.
Snuff her out of your life, she needs to get on with her own.
She sounds like an immature attention seeker who is pissed that it’s not all about her at the moment.
Yo udon’t have to justify your choices to her. You weren’t bridezilla-ish, your husband had no problems with his sisters not being attendants and that’s all that matters. Do his parents say anything about the relationship, or is this all coming from the “nutso” sister?
It’s easy to say, “ignore it”, but it’s hurtful when people carry on like pork chops for no apparent reason, except to cause grief and to draw attention to themselves. Perhaps a chat with his parents is in order, just to establish whether or not there are any real problems.
it’s a control issue. try to not talk to them- there is no way you can fix how they feel. they will always think they are better then you.
when you have a child they will probably call you a bad mother.
i can only hope your husband understands what they are doing.
This goes WAY beyond ‘No, you’re not wrong,’ and of course she’s nuts. You don’t need to ask that question. What you DO have need to do is take some action so that she cannot run roughshod over your marriage.
People like his sister are dangerous, because they create chaos. People like his sister are dangerous because the mind set they have is one of no shame, no conscience and no thought for anyone but themselves. This kind of mind set is the same one that, once you have children, might one day decide to call child protective services because you gave your kid a spanking (or because you didn’t).
The problem with people like her is that everyone cow-tows to them, and caters to their whims because they don’t want to upset the status quo. This tactic is A MISTAKE.
The best thing that you could do is sever ties with her, and everyone who is like her in the family. I understand how extreme this sounds, but that scenario I mentioned wherein someone calls CPS is a VERY real possibility. If this means that you no longer are warm and fuzzy with his family, then so be it. My sister (RIP) had to do that with her husband’s family, and this decision was only made after over a decade of horrific bs that was very difficult (HUGE understatement.)
I’m telling you: You CAN fire your family. I’ve had to, and as painful and messy as it is, at least you’ll know that it’s the right thing to do for your marriage and your sanity.
Of course you’re not wrong, and yea, she’s nuts – AND she’s dangerous.
She sounds like a possible nutjob but also very manipulative and just plain toxic. Toxic people are people you want to keep as far away from you as possible because their just plain bad natures rub off on others and bring them down.
The wedding is over. There will be no discussion of wedding parties now as it no longer applies nor is it relevant. I would say something along those lines if (and only IF) you get stuck face to face with her. Otherwise, your husband needs to deal with her as you can bet that anything you say will get taken out of context and blown out of proportion. Stay away! Far away! Maybe a few states away if you could pull it off LOL (just kidding but not really!)
Good luck and hang in there. One of these days hopefully they will become bored with all this and move on to something and someone else. If you ignore them and refuse to rise to their bait that should hopefully speed things up!