One of my very good friends (although not “best” friend), his brother recently passed away. He’s on the west coast, I’m on the east. I never really knew his brother, but he was my friend (or at least I thought he was), and so I flew out to the west for the funeral service, to be by his side. I spent four nights there, and he knew that I was coming, and what my schedule was. We saw each other at the funeral, talked a bit, but we weren’t able to see each other the other days before I left. I mean, he said that he made plans with his high school friends already, and that he needed to work, so we wouldn’t be able to see each other. But before I flew back home, he called to say that he was really sorry we couldn’t have hung out more, but he did really thank me for coming, and said that he would fly to the east soon to see me. This really hurt, as I did fly out there because I considered him my friend. I don’t know now. I know his brother just recently passed away, but should I call him and tell him how hurt I was? We met in college, we’re both guys, in our late 20’s. I really thought we were good friends, but this has left me to think otherwise.
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He had an experience that you cannot understand unless you have lost your own brother. He knows that you care since you flew all that way and maybe things came up. You have to realize he didn’t mean to be rude and is not fully functioning while in mourning so don’t take offense when there was none intended. Just as a good friend be checking up on him occasionally and be there to support him. Once he has gone through all of this he will remember that you were there for him.