My ex girlfriend split up with me about 3 months ago. She split up with me after 18 months and it seemed very sudden to me. She used reasons like since her 21st birthday (the week before) she needs to be alone for a while, sort her life out with her career, get her own friends and do stuff spare of the moment. This would have been fair enough but I was never one to stand in her way with any of these things and was willing to help her with any of these. She also said that she thought we were heading to something that wasn’t there anymore but a couple of weeks before she mentioned marriage and moving in together and a couple of days before she said she loved me.
I had a feeling there was another reason why she split up with me suddenly so I checked her e-mails as she gave me her passwords before. I felt terrible for doing this but I needed to know. I found a couple of e-mails to her ex (who cheated on her with her best friend about 2 years before me but they were friends afterwards), the e-mails said miss you, and he’d sent one back staying miss you too, I hate monday mornings after our weekends together. This was 2 weeks after we split. I know they met up just after she said she needed some space for a few days but I don’t know if anything happened or is happening. But to other friends, she said her lifes a mess. She knows nothing about this and me knowing about the e-mails. I do not do this anymore and I will never do it again I hate myself for doing it.
The last 3 months have been hell for me, she was my first serious girlfriend and I love her to pieces, I can’t get her out of my mind and I think of her everyday. People told me to just move on and its not that easy, she does still owe me abit of money for a holiday but I was prepared to cut my losses.
I maintained no contact for 2 months but last week, her gran died. I felt like I needed to contact her because she was very ill when we split up. I just said I heard about your loss and my thoughts are with your family. She thanked me and left it at that. Then a few days later it was my birthday and she sent me a text saying happy birthday x and I just replyed saying thanks. And then she sent a message saying Have I got anything planned for this year? I replyed with a few things like starting a degree and going on a skiing trip and asked the question back to her. She replyed saying her grans funeral next week and got a few job interviews. We sent a couple more texts to each other and I showed her abit of sympathy towards her gran and said well done with the interviews but I haven’t heard anything since.
I’m pretty confused about the whole situation and not sure what to do next. I don’t know why she contacted me after this time, if it was to make the peace or she how I react to her. I still have strong feelings for her and wish I was still with her but I don’t want to come across like I’m weak or a doormat or anything, but also if she wants to give it another try then I don’t want to act like i’m not interested. I think so far I seemed stong in her eyes and i’ve acted like i’ve moved on but i’m far from that. Or maybe I shouldn’t have been so nice to her when she text me. Should I try and get back with her and if so how? If not, how can I move on?
Thanks, advice will be appreciated.
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First of all, don’t be so down on yourself. You seem like a really wonderful guy and you are not a doormat at all. You simply care about your ex and she broke your heart. There’s nothing wrong with that but now you have to take back your power and decide what to do next. It it were me, I would suddenly get very busy and not pursue my ex one bit. I would make sure that I went out with others and that she knew about it. I would be cordial to her but maintain distance until she makes the move. I would then let her back in slowly but be extremely watchful. After all, she is the one that broke up with you and was sneaking around with her ex. This is not your fault. You don’t deserve this. By not pining after her and showing less interest, she will undoubtedly become more interested. Weird but it works.
Well, my situation is kind of similar, except I’m the one who broke up with him. I did this because like your ex, I thought I needed to sort my life out. Thing is, I can’t stop thinking of him now either. I still love him with all my heart. He’s moved on (or so he says), and with a new girlfriend, which kills me. But at the same time, I know we’ll get back together someday, since we lived so much together and well, I just know he’s the one for me. In your case, I’d say that she’s regretting what she did. Maybe she already got the time to “sort things out” and is missing you now. The fact that you’re there for her as she grieves her grandmother’s death, shows her that you’re a great guy, and makes her think of the time you spent together, thus she’s missing you. She might miss her ex boyfriend (the one from the emails), but I doubt her relationship with him was the same as yours. So here’s what I think, and am doing, because I’m in a similar situation, where I want him back… You should really stop for a minute and think it trough: Do you really want to be with her again, or do you just miss being with someone? And then if you realize that you DO want her back, then let me tell you that it is very possible. What you should do is get closer to her again, but as friends. Be there for her, like you’ve been in the past. Listen to her problems and offer her help if she needs anything. But don’t tell her you want to be with her just yet. These things take time, and a huge amount of will. So, just remember that if you want her badly enough, then you’ll be patient and it will work out. This may sound corny, but I keep telling myself this every time I feel like giving up on the whole situation: “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.”
Greatest of luck to you.
The fact that she called you on your birthday means that she still isn’t completely over you because she still remembers that special day known as your birthday. She must have been serious in your relationship with her but it seems as though you both have parted ways. You still have feelings for her and you want her back.
You were being friendly with her and that’s a good thing, as long as you haven’t sounded needy and saying things like you really want her back, then good. She’s still in your reach; but it’s really hard to keep a relationship like this one. I’m assuming you both don’t see each other regularly because you seem to have a long distance relationship. It’s going to be hard with the lack of communication.
But it’s best that you are prepared to be officially over for good, and rather than worrying about what feelings she has, give her time to sort them out. And while she is doing that, she might end up contacting you again after a while asking about whether you still like her or not. Be honest.
But in the mean time, just sort out your own life and have fun with it. She isn’t everything, just give her the space that she wanted and like they say, “Let her go and if she comes back to you, then it was meant to be.”
I hope it does work out well for you; but it’s good to be prepared, and who knows, maybe she does still love you. But you could find out what her true feelings are through a friend of hers.
But it’s best to leave her alone at this time rather than annoy her. I wish you luck
what sounds like happened, is she ran back to her ex and broke up with you to see how things would go.She has not been 100 honest with you and she may be wanting to come back to you because she is afraid she may not find anyone else, which is a bad and wrong reason.
Tell her you do not want to marry a girl who may just up and leave on a whim as she did before,and especially if she is going to spend week ends with her ex while she is gone.You do not need to marry someone like this, because she may take off after a while and comeback pregnant with some other guy’s baby.
Hey me and my ex had a huge blow out over the friends I was hanging out with. We split up for over a month and I felt dead inside and I really wanted to get back with him. My friend Sue turned me onto this web site and it really helped me get back with him, that was 4 months ago and thing have never been better, maybe it can help you too
Good luck and hang in there