My childhood was spent being abused verbally, physically, and sexually by my father. He gave my younger two brothers the same treatment. He was also terribly abusive of our mother; once going so far as to break one of her arms with a rolling pin. After a teacher at my school noticed bruises on my older brother, my father ended up in prison for seven years. He is now a registered sex offender, and I’ve had no contact with him for almost seventeen years.
My mother passed away last week. Her funeral is planned for this coming Saturday. I have heard from my Aunt (my father’s sister) that my father inquired with her about time time and place the funeral is being held. Because I refuse to see the man I asked my husband to go see him and remind him that he is most certainly not welcome. My husband was unfortunate unable to track him down, and currently no one knows where he is.
I do not want him at the funeral. Neither does anyone else. I have power of attorney over my mother’s estate if that makes a difference. I don’t know if I can simply call the police or what. The cemetery is not on private property, so I don’t know what the law is. I live in New York.
If anyone has any information please help.
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I’m so sorry for the stress you must feeling on top of your mother’s recent passing because of this. Do you happen to have a restraining order out against him? I’m guessing not or you would have mentioned it.
There are a few options I can think of. First I would talk to your local police department and ask if there is anything they can do or suggest. They may have ideas we do not, even if they are not able to get involved.
If you have the ability to back out of your contract with the funeral home maybe you could move the funeral to a different location? If possible on private property. That way if he still found out where the funeral was being held you could notify the owners of the property and they would have a right to call the police and have him removed for trespassing. If this is not an option maybe you could look into having friends who may be a little more removed from the situation create a peaceful barricade during the service? They could stand a few yards away from the service if he shows up and block his way being sure to remain peaceful and respectful while physically stepping in front of him. If he were to then cause a disturbance he could be removed upon calling the police.
Of course these still cause stress for you, but it may be less stressful than having him in there to watch the service while standing next to you. You may also be able to get a temporary restraining order, temporary orders can be processed quickly, though I’m not sure if a week is long enough. It might be worth talking to a lawyer about.
Get a restraining order filed against him. He will not be able to attend because he won’t be allowed within a certain number of feet from you.
To give Uncle the benefit of the doubt – we are all strangers and you’re asking us all to accept your side of what happened.
If he’s a registered sex offender then there are probably ares that he may be legally barred from being in – like near schools or libraries. If you ahve any orders of protection in effect, then his being at the funeral might be considered a violation of that order and subject him to criminal contempt charges.
Wow, sounds tough sorry to hear about your situation. If your father shows up have a few relatives escort him out and let him know he is not welcome. If he’s a registered sex offender, he shouldn’t be allowed children, so if he wants to get the police into the matter, and there will be children there, he will be escorted off the premises and I assume he’s still on parole so he would be in big trouble. I’m not familiar with NY laws over that sort of thing, but if he gives you trouble call the police explain the situation (not the abuse & everything) but that he is a registered sex offender, and you do not want him their. They will probably side with you. Good luck!
sorry im not much help but maybe you could get a restraining order or go down to the police station and ask what you can do about it , tell them how abusive he was and he has been in prison and is registered as a sex offender
Your the one making the drama …
if he shows ..you ignore him and just do your thing …