The previous 2 weekends I had spent at the homes of 2 different family members (both out of town), since I didn’t get to see much of them over the holidays. My wife didn’t want to go, so I just went alone. On one of these weekends, my wife worked, so she wouldn’t have seen much of me anyhow. Also, I probably only see my family a 2-3 times a year, so it’s rare for me to be gone 2 weekends in a row.
Then, last week, out of the blue, one of my uncles died. He is one that I rarely see (last time was over 5 years ago). And, the funeral is this weekend and is about 6 hours away. Given these facts, I was not 100% whether I wanted to go or not. But, my wife is pressuring me not to go (in spite of the fact that she will be at work the whole weekend). Her reasons are that he wasn’t that close and also given the fact that I just saw my family last weekend. She thinks this is just another excuse for me to see them, and that I’m picking them over her.
Keep in mind that I am not pressuring her to go. But, I resent her trying to pressure me not to, on principle alone. Apparently, she doesn’t like me leaving her alone this much. I see her point somewhat, but it’s not like I planned it out this way. Also, I think she brings it on herself somewhat by refusing to go along with me on these trips to visit my family.
Finally, I don’t think I’m putting them ahead of her, since I rarely see them in the first place. If I did go, I probably wouldn’t see anyone in my family again until July 4th or Thanksgiving.
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GO support your family
Its not a case of your wife being “unsupportive”, its a case of her being so low in self-esteem that she cannot bear the “competition” for your attention.
Grow a spine and just go.
ADD I suggest you tell her that the next time she threatens divorce she had better mean it, that type of emotional blackmail has no place in a healthy relationship.
You do realise that if you were a woman, people on here would be shouting “emotional abuse”?
Tell your wife to grow up and you support your family ..She’ll get over it.
All this depends on family finances. Plane tickets. dinners and a place to stay can cost a lot. If this were a very close relative that is different. I am elder and a few relatives passed and we sent cards with a check. time from work is a factor. some people that posted didn’t take all this in consideration.
She sounds like she’s being a little crazy on the spend-all-your-time-on-me issue. Remind her that normally, you spend your weekends home with her. Remind her she will be working, anyway. And then explain to her that this is a family funeral. It’s not a birthday party, or a kegger, or a get-together for no reason. Someone has died, and even if you weren’t too close to that person in particular, it’s important for family to be together at this time, if at all possible. Can you tell her you’ll spend next weekend together? And tell her she’s welcome to come and visit with your family. If she’s still threatening divorce after a calm and reasoned argument, you may need some kind of counseling to find out why she is acting this way, to see if there’s something you need to be working on, etc. There is clearly a problem here, and if you can’t fix it yourselves, get some help with it.