While sitting around the dinner table a couple of years ago with my fiance (husband now) and my brother and his wife we were all discussing names for children. I said i was set because i have chosen my names but I was upset that the name i wished to use had been used by a celebrity and was sure to skyrocket in popularity. I had chosen the name because i was very close to my grandfather who had that name. My brother then immediately said “that would be a great middle name for our son.” I said i would prefer if he didn’t because i didn’t like the idea of cousins with the same names, especially as i am younger my child would in all liklihood be born after my brother had children.
I was very very close with my grandfather (a bond not shared by my brother) and he would very proudly call me the daughter he never had. He passed away when i was around 15 very unexpectedly and at the time it felt like I lost my dad. My brother got to share alot of life acheivements with my grandfather and given he was 18 when my grandfather died, he attended the funeral. My grandfather didn’t like the idea of children at funerals so i respected that and did not attend. My brother also “inherited” (read has taken from my parents house when he moved out) alot of things which meant alot to my Grandfather, and i will be left with nothing physically to remind me of him. I have accomplished alot and always “talk” to my pa in moments i wish he was with me for, like my graduations from uni and when i got married. I wanted to name my son after him to honour the man that he was.
his wife fell pregnant last year and i said numerous times during the pregnancy that considering i no longer had the family last name and that they were using a family name for the first name i would appriciate it if they left the other name for me. They simply said, “we are considering a lot of names”
Lo and behold at 3am i got a call and they had had the boy and used the name I wanted. I have sent gifts to my nephew and sent alot of things to him through my mother (who i have asked to not tell them they are from my husband and I), my nephew is my sole benficiary in my will, which i changed as soon as he was born, although i haven’t met him i do love him. However i have not spoken to my brother or his wife. He emailed me once and abused me for not “being there for them” or “being happy for them” or “congratulating them.”
I have decided i will not use the name. People tell me i am over reacting and i could still use the name. I am still very hurt by all this and wondering if i am over reacting or if i have a right to be hurt, upset and very mad.
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I agree that you should be upset. Your brother took away the chance of you honoring your grandfather. I would feel terrible too. You should still use the name because even though your brother already used it, the name you give your baby will be special in your heart.
You have not spoken to your brother or wife or seen your nephew over a name which they decided they liked during a conversation? Just because you liked it first doesn’t mean you have the right to stop them using it. I think you are being ridiculous and childish. Family obviously doesnt mean much to you.
What name is this anyways? I’m sure there is going to be more than one child with the name anyway so of it’s such a big deal use it. You do sound like your over reacting.
I would be upset you are very attached to this name your grandfather was very very special to you. You need to tell your brother how your really about this
My honest opinion?
Your brother’s most definitely a major douche in his own right, but you’re still over-reacting. You’ve basically cut your brother out of your life over a name you want to give a child that hasn’t even been conceived yet (never mind the 50% chance you could end up with a girl instead of a boy when and if you do conceive a child). Get over it already. All you’re going to end up doing is driving a wedge between yourself and your brother… which may end up cutting your nephew out of your life as well sooner or later.
Incidentally, my name is Nicole Lynn, and my cousin is Jennifer Nicole. Sharing a name has never been an issue for us, or for our parents.
Well, life is too short to not be forgiving to your brother.
He might always have loved the name as well.
You are very lucky that you have a nephew named after your grandfather.
And a nephew that also shares the same surname as your grandfather.
That is a very special name.
You might not ever have a son and if your brother had not used the name
then it will have been lost.
It is okay to be upset…but anyone in a family has access to family names.
You can also use the name for a future son as their surnames will not match.
Your son will enjoy being named after two special people – his great
grandfather and his big cousin.
Your children will inherit many more things from your grandparents other than
their names such as their temperaments, physique, customs and the way they
treat family.. Dwell on the fact that your grandfather was a loving family man
and try to perpetuate that in your life and through to your children.
It doesn’t matter how others behave; you have to be able to respect yourself.
I’m sure your grandfather would be proud if you embraced your nephew and
his parents and helped create a loving wider family for your own children
to enjoy for the whole of their lives.
You need to stop feeling resentful towards your brother.
Let it go, use the name if you wish, but get on with a fulfilling life.
Yes, of course you have a right to be upset. But you learned a lesson in all of this: keep potential names to yourself next time.
I wouldn’t have gone as far as you did, in not even congratulating them. Its okay to be mad, but at the end of the day they’re still your family and its just a name.
If you want to be in your little nephew’s life, I would be the bigger person about it, apologise and move on. Maybe theres another way to honor your grandfather without using the name.