2 months ago my wife and i lost our baby at birth, she was 30 weeks but breathing when she was delivered, we were told she wouldn’t survive and held her for just under 10 minutes as she took her last breaths. It’s been SO hard for us both, I never in a million years thought i’d have to plan and attend my daughters funeral.
Our relationship has been strained through all this, we’re barely speaking to each other, we’re grieving completely differently yet we’re clashing! I love her so much I really really do, I know things have to get better it just feels like they wont at the minute. Anyway, last night I brought up, what are we going to do with clothes/toys/general baby things in the nursery, i HATED bringing it up, i DONT KNOW what we’re going to do with them, i want to keep them, i want our daughter to be with us and getting use from them! But… i dont know. My wife got emotional, she was crying a lot, i tried to comfort her, she pushed me away so i walked away, which might or might not have been the right thing to do,anyway, i walked into the nursery, i wasn’t going to touch anything or do anything, i just wanted to be in there, my wife followed me in still crying and started shouting at me that i ‘didnt have a clue’ what she was going through and how hard it is for her and that i didnt even care about her or our daughter, she then pushed me, and slapped me and I stupidly retalliated and slapped her back. I KNOW this was wrong i would never lay a finger on a woman and never imagined i would but I was so angry and hurt by what she’d said, because it was so ridiculas… of course I care, I know EXACTLY what she’s going through!!! I hated myself instantly, i apologised, i got emotional too over everything but she just walked out and stayed at her sisters.
I don’t blame her for leaving, I understand what i did was wrong i regret it SO much and I know no matter how heated things might get.. it’s not gonna happen again, no way. She ignored my calls and texts all night and morning so i figured i’d give her space and time with her sister, this afternoon she came home but is still not speaking to me. Ok i know i deserve it, i’ve admitted that, i’ve apologised a hundred times but we NEED to try and get our marriage back together. Is there anything I can do to help her/US?! If I try and explain the reasons why I acted like i did she just gets emotional and doesnt want to talk (even more so)… I feel like im going round in circles and then banging into a brick wall!
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I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS BUT YOUVE GOT TO STAY OPTOMISTIC!
I would consider maybe getting help from a professional psychiatrist or something? This is a rather large, complicated situation for any normal person to deal with. I’m sorry for the loss of your daughter.
Wow. I cannot imagine what the two of you are going through. You are both in pain beyond what anyone realizes. Yes, you slapped her and you shouldn’t have. Yes, she slapped you and she shouldn’t have. Emotions are bound to run rampant right now. The only suggestion I can offer is that you both seek some counseling. Possibly together, possibly starting apart but, you both need to heal. Please consider seeking out a local pastor or therapist. I’m praying for you both.
After losing a baby, the mom usually feels really depressed and feelings can be strong, for whatever reasons. Try going through counseling and seeking advice and help through a therapist.
It doesn’t sound like you are the type of guy who would normally hit a woman. You two are going through something traumatic and taking it out on each other. Check (perhaps on Yahoo Local) for a Grieving support group. There are often support groups that are specifically for the loss of a child. They also tend to be either free or low cost. Try and get your wife to go with you. You both need to talk about what is happening and get feedback from people who have been through it.
you hit her. That is completely unacceptable. She may leave you for that. But presuming she doesnt…
You need to do something to take her out of her shell. If you live near a beach go to the beach at night time and then bring it up there. There is something about being outside at night with someone you have a bond with. Its really special and it also shows her you care and your really trying. You need to offer her help. So far you have been saying yeah well it hurts me too. What you need to say is, Im here for you, do you want to talk about it? Let her open up and support her. Then later in the conversation you can say you know I know how you feel, I get that same sensation.
Try to empathise with her.
If there is no beach think of somewhere similar.
Please answer my question only 4 people have answered me:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
You should get into therapy and work on getting yourself sorted out before you consider getting back together with your wife. Chances are high you’ll become more violent toward her now that you’ve started this cycle. She should do the same. I you get help and work really hard at it you might be able to be together safely, but you should stay apart and focus on yourselves before you try to put your relationship back together. You should have couples therapy as well.
I’m sure you have heard this before but you definitely should seek consoling. If you don’t have insurance or can’t afford it talk to your doctor or people at the hospital, there may be a free or reasonably cheap program for you. Here it’s called Hospice.
And even though you say it never happened before, and won’t again because you hit her Anger Management or MENS WORK might not be a bad idea.
And I’m so incredible sorry for your loss. I have had 2 miscarriages I never held either of my babies, I can’t imagine having to say good bye in that way
good luck to you both and i hope you can pull though this.
The whole situation is very sad. I’m sorry the two of you are going through this.
Maybe you could see a counselor together. Is there anyone in her family who could help you with this? You need to talk things through so that you can begin healing TOGETHER.
Daniel your both suffering the grief of your child
You really need counselling to deal with this
Your just hurting each other because you cant find a reason for it
There is help out there seek it together
Its the only way you will both deal with this together
Wow! I’m so sorry for your loss and your wife’s loss. That would be awful. My sister lost her baby but it was still born. She went through a lot of emotions after that. It might help to visit with her sister and see if she has told her anything that could help you cope with the situation on how to deal with it. You might also talk to the doctor’s office and see if they have any help out there for parents who lose their children. You should also be able to talk to a priest or preacher of your church for any organization that has a support group. She is defiantly depressed and probably needs to see a doctor. He/she needs to know about what is going on.
The main thing is to try to comfort your wife and be there for her. She doesn’t think you are going through the same thing because she is the one that carried the child and you are not. She has more of an attachment to her then you would. She has a lot of emotions going through her right now. It sounds like right now she is in the mad as hell emotion. She has to take it out on someone and that someone happens to be you, unfortunately.
Just be there for her, and she will eventually come around. I would not worry about the nursery right now. She may just need it to be her place for a while.
I wish I knew the answer. Good luck and best wishes.
I feel terrible for you. I know you didn’t mean it. You are crazy with despair. It’s ok. She doesn’t hate you she just hates what’s happened. You guys need to talk to other couples who have been through this. You are not alone. My prayers are with you.
Aww im so sorry for your lose. And i think you guys should get divorced.
Sorry for your loss !!!!
Best thing now is to let her cool down and get yourself help first so that you can approach the situation with a clear head right now your in no frame of mind to help your marriage and neither is your partner emotions are all over the place I know this cos i also lost my child to a rare form of leaukimia she passed away before she turned 1 year old. Get as much councelling as you can.
everyone does grieve differently and no time limit can be put on this. I am still married today after the trauma this put both of us through and after a 6 month separation as well. Since this day i have had 2 other children who are healthy and we are now a very happy family.