A relative passed recently, I was planning to send flowers to the service as I live out of state and am unable to attend her service. I just saw the obituary and it requests in lieu of flowers to make a donation to a specific charity. Typically, I’d do as the family asks. (I don’t mind making a donation btw, I’m happy too) However, because I can’t be there is it still bad etiquette to send flowers? I was considering sending a card or flowers to her kids, but they’re all grown, live in their own places and I don’t know each individual address. I’d hate to bother them during this time calling for mailing addresses.. But I’d like to in some way to let the family know I’m thinking of them during this tough time… Are flowers the exception in this situation or is there another way I can show them I care while being absent for the funeral?
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Flowers are acceptable anytime. However, they are quite expensive to be noticeable. Have you considered writing a nice card with memories on it? And then sending the requested donation?
If you don’t have the address of any of the family, but I assume you know where the funeral will be held, then I suggest you send a card “To the family of ‘x’, funeral date and time” to where the funeral will be. You can write a message in the card and mention that, as requested, you have made a donation to the specified charity.
It would be good to send a card meant for all the kids addressed to the relative that you are most familiar with. It would be good to note in the card which charity you gave to. Sending it to the funeral home is also a good idea.
Please answer my question:
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Luckily for us, technology sometimes makes up for the fact that family members live remotely from each other. Check the website of the funeral home that held your relative’s services. There is a good chance that there is an online obituary, which sometimes has a “guestbook” feature. You can leave a message of condolence and sympathy for the family there, and they will likely see it.
If you’re not comfortable calling for mailing addresses, just call them to say hello. When you’ve lost a loved one, real conversation can often be more comforting than gestures like sending flowers or cards anyway. Just a short phone call to let them know you’re thinking of them during this difficult time is an incredible gesture of love and support.