I’ve been with him for a year. He’s my first bf. I’m 20 he’s 27. I always have this feeling he is a bit immature for me and not on my level but I love him so much. He’s a security guard.. never finished college, doesn’t know what he wants to be for the rest of his life (i worry about that), and he’s Church of Christ christian, and lives with 3 room mates. I’m in college (nursing school), Catholic christian, living at home until graduation.
He’s respectful, trusts me, always is trying to make me happy, isn’t a party boy. We’ve talked about marriage and kids and all that and he really says he plans to be with me forever.
So what bothers me is I’m always worried about our future because of our religions. We promised to get married somewhere neutral and let our kids be experienced in both religions and make their own choices in terms of their religion. They’d be baptized in my church and if they wanted to later be part of his then be baptized into his. Thing is.. he’s always looking for verses about baptism to “prove me wrong”. One time he’s even told me he would. He gets angry if I don’t agree or understand and kinda argues that he doesn’t understand why people don’t think like him or why they couldn’t understand why he thinks that way when he has “proof”. Sometimes his proof isn’t really proof. We’ve kinda argued about other religious differences before too. I expressed my concern about our future and he says it will be fine and not to worry. But I do..
Another thing I worry about.. He gets aggravated with questions. His dad used to question him A LOT when he was a kid and analyze why he said what he did.. and ask him “why did you say that”. He always uses that as his excuse for why he is the way he is. He can get so aggravated when I ask him something that has to do with explaining what he means.. I try to refrain from asking questions and I feel like it hard for me to ask him to explain things because he’ll get aggravated. He doesn’t shout but he gets cranky.. answers cocky like or just says “I don’t know”. He also get aggravated if I get confused and don’t know what he means.. I guess because he has to explain himself. I dunno.
Another thing.. He says I get mad at him a lot. He thinks they are little things but I only get mad when I HAVE a reason to be. For example.. one time this girl came up and hugged him at a funeral and she was telling him she hoped he was alright. and asked if he was okay. I met the girl before, briefly, but she never even looked at me or said hello.. just ignored me like I wasn’t there. He never even ask if she remember me or anything. When she walked away he had this big smile on his face and I asked him “Why you got that goofy smile on your face?” he said ” I was think of a joke to say”. I said “what was it?” he said “I forgot it”, How can you forget something that fast.. Later I asked him why do you try to make me jealous like that? (Every time he sees a a girl he knows he has this goofy smile on his face like look what just happened). He denies trying to make me jealous and gets defensive when I say that. You think he is trying to even though he swears he’s not? He always says he’s scared to be himself around me and say some things because he gets scared I will get mad at him. Is that all he thinks about is stuff that would piss me off? I told him just be yourself that’s ridiculous.. I only get mad if he gets cocky with me or says something offensive or perverted. it’s not just out of the blue.
He also is minimal with public displays of affection.. He’s gotten better after I talked to him about it.
He’s scared to hug me around his fam and silly stuff like that.. Or sometimes when we around a lot of people like when we are around another girl he knows he seems more distant from me and I’ve talked to him about that. He said “that’s not why” and he has improved on it. He says his family isn’t really emotional and he’s been “taught not to be emotional”.. I think he means he’s learned not to be. Like he’d rather watch TV or ride bikes than lay in bed and cuddle. He gets bored laying there without anything to do and talking or just being with each other. He says watching TV with me or riding bikes with me is how he bonds. I’ve told him cuddling is how I bond. He’s improved on it but I dunno why he’s like that. He also hates me to lay my head on his should. Makes him feel like “high school”. I don’t understand.. but now he says “it’s okay.. just not all the time like at the movies or random places like the food court or wal-mart etc. But ridding in the car is okay.”
I guess my question is what is your opinion on all this? Sometimes I don’t see us as forever and that makes me
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im so sorry, but i dont think it will last. if he is embarassed to show affection, he is probly kinda embarassed to be with you (sorry) i really think the whole questioning thing is the worst, i wouldnt want to have to put up with that. if he is trying to put your religion down, hes just a jerk. im really sorry again, but find another guy, there are more out there, and the age difference is just a bit much too. best wishes!
You have spent the last 5 paragraphs telling us all of the bad things about this dude. What are the good things? Does he make you happy? Do you love him? It sounds like he has some issues, but what person doesn’t? Religion has and always will be an area that creates arguments. People believe different things and if the issue is too big for you both to get around, then you need to get out now. I think you are over thinking things and worrying about the future TOO much. Just relax and go with the flow. Stop wondering how it will be later. It is okay to talk about the future, but don’t go overboard. The more you think and worry about the “what if’s” the more you will think he is not the one for you. Just relax and take each day one at a time.
Best of luck to you!
Religion: Honestly, you don’t have to crush his spirits. You could atleast consider what ever he’s saying. You don’t tell Cristians god isn’t real if you don’t think he is. It isn’t right. Even if what you think he is saying isn’t true, you don’t have to say it. Play along, or stick with your beliefs, but don’t ruin his.
Jealousy: It does seem like he makes you jealous on purpose. It may be a bad thing, but there is something very alluring in a way a lady gets protective over a man. It could be his way of boosting his self esteem. Either way, at the end of the day, he is always sleeping next to you. There is no reason to get mad at him.
Being himself: You realize this whole entry is about things you don’t like about him? You say you want him to be himself when you type a while page of flukes he has. You have to understand, when you care about someone you must let the little things go.
Public displays: it seems like this man does so much for you; it wouldn’t kill you if you to stop displaying affection in public. Ladies do that to state the man is yours, but he came to the location with you. Everyone understands he’s with you. If you get steamy or want reassurance you have the house and the car.
I’m sorry for being so direct, but it doesn’t seem like you understand what you have.
I think it’s time for you to move on. He sounds insecure and a bit controlling – as in controlling the relationship through withholding affection in front of what might be your future in-laws, etc. Also, if he’s 27 and still doesn’t know what he wants to do, that’s a problem. He could at least be exploring career options by going to school part-time; either moving toward a degree or a vocation. His communication skills don’t sound the greatest and that is going to be a major flaw in the relationship. You are going to find yourself frustrated, unfulfilled, and wondering how you can fix things because you love him so much. The thing is, you can’t fix it. You can’t make him change and you can’t make him have ambition. I’m not saying that he’s a completely bad guy, I’m just saying that he may not be the right guy for you. I would think very, very, seriously about continuing with the relationship as it stands. Remember, he is your first bf. Not too many women can marry their first bf and have a successful marriage. You need to play the field a little. Socialize with other people a bit more. Get more exposure to other single men. They don’t all have to be future bfs, but remember,this guy does not have to be your only option in life. I do not see you two as forever at all! You have your whole life ahead of you. A little sadness now might reap huge benefits in happiness for your future. Good luck and make sure you love yourself enough to give yourself a real chance in life.
< of our religions.>> of their religion.>> baptized into his.>>> himself. I dunno.>> of the blue.>> car is okay.”>>
Good for you for recognizing that competing theologies in a single family is not necessarily a good thing.
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First, what place is truly “neutral” in the Eyes of God?
Second, do NOT confuse your children by exposing them to more than one theology.
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As a Catholic parent, you should NOT be complacent with that.
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RED FLAG – he does not accept your belief system, therefore he is not (yet) prepared to love you unconditionally like a husband should. You’ve only been dating one year, so it’s too early to be serioulsy thinking about marriage anyway.
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It sounds as if insecurity, not immaturity, is his problem.
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Definitively insecure.
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Some guys just aren’t cuddlers – and you can’t force them to be if they don’t want to. True love is not possible without concessions and sacrifices. You might have to settle for less cuddling than you would prefer, but he might also have to settle for less vegging in front of the television as well.
< that makes me>>
LIke I said, you’ve only been dating for one year. The relationship simply hasn’t advanced enough for you two to be seriously thinking about marriage yet.